My first blog in 2011

• It has been a long time since I posted something here. This is because I moved back home, and not as I hoped, all my dreams, my expectations, crave for change, all gone and ended up with the same boring life. My loneliness still exists and it seems like it doesn't want me..
• I had high hopes for a new year, a happy one. But by the beginning of the new year Egypt witnessed a horrific massacre, 23 people died in new year eve ( http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-12101748 ) That accident made me - as well as many egyptians- sad, pessimistic on whats coming next for us this year
• Love! status quo!
  

An experience

5 days ago I got myself into one of those dating groups on FB, just for the sake of curiosity. and right after it a girl added me on her fb. We talked a bit, she seems to be nice, obscure at the same time. From her display picture, she looks cute and everything, although I had a fishy feeling about her. I got interested for a bit when I felt she is a bit classy and from her looks, I won't lie on that. After a few convos I felt like I might ask her out to know her better, then suddenly I found out she removed me from her friend list and she appeared offline suddenly on my msn (which means of course that she blocked me) From my little experience I became more unaware how girls think, and what they want. I was easy with her, on the contrary to her ways she was dealing with me, but anyways I was wrong from the beginning to let my feelings to someone I hardly knew. but anyways we're learning aren't we? :D

I don't want to be my father..

I sound cruel, but I don't want to be him! I meant to have a different path than his, he always talk about how young he was when he got married, and how perfect it is to be in this country. He was the main reason I moved to the gulf peninsula, although I already lived here in my childhood, and I never kept a single happy memory of it. It's just like my parents wants me to repeat what they've been through, they think I'm luckier than they are, because they have the past experience and knowledge. They think being here is the best for me!! but still I feel irritated, at moments I feel happy about, and then for another I feel confuzled and dissatisfied. I feel like I'm caged and I can't take my own decisions. When my father is not around I feel more free, I can do whatever I want. I don't do wrong, but simply I have the power of will. I don't want to be my father, I just want to be me!!

If you're sad...

Just listen to this song, it makes me happy :)




(from Charlie the unicorn)

A loss!!

What is the biggest thing you ever lost in your life?? This lost thing could be anything; a person, maybe something you posses, a memory, a status, a job, etc.. No matter what you loose, of course according to the importance of the thing we're taking about, we always feel pain. The first time ever I felt losing a person in my life, and losing that person is like forever was when my grandmother passed away in 2007, it was hard, at the same time I know this loss is irreversible. I really loved my grandma with all her bad memories my mom use to tell me about her, and her beautiful fun stories and travels she had with my grandfather. I never met my grandfather, she was the only way I knew him along with the photos, made a memory inside my head about this great man. The perfect man though, I couldn't find a single mistake my grandfather did, of course only the good memories has been kept by my grandma.

I've lost many things through out my life. I remember when I was in 3rd grade I lost my expensive casio watch, I felt sad for some time I guess, can't remember now, but I assume I did, cuz I still remember that I lost a watch at this age until now! Last year I lost my ipod classic in a church camp. For a moment I felt like it was a test from God, and of course I dealt with it in a total negativity, I even asked people around me to stop looking and I even refused to take money from the camp leader at that time, but after wards I had inner rage, and I even stopped trusting anyone even if that person is religious.

We all love to possess things and those things become part of us. People, things, cars, antiques, dogs, etc... But we should bare in mind, that things come and go, even moments of happiness, sadness. We loose things, and gain other things. We raise kids, spend on them a fortune, then they decide to leave us. Nothing in this world is stone built, even the stone losses its importance when it changes shape..

For the first time in my life..

I had an open heart discussion with someone who I had doubt many times, and the more I talk to that person, the more I find myself getting more attached to her, and my doubts fallen apart, the picture is still not clear enough, it could be what they call, soul mate?? I'm very close to making my biggest step in my life.. I'm way very close to it.. very!!

LIFE: the meanings

Life isn't food in your stomach
life isn't beer in your belly
life isn't your rate of inhalation
life isn't how much you're in love with cherries
life isn't your touch pad iphone
life isn't the games you keep playing on
life isn't how comfy is your jeans
or how soft is your shoes
life isn't a ride and hot chick inside
life isn't how tall are you
or how handsome you are
life isn't about immortality
life isn't about your mentality
or your closeness and spirituality
life isn't of whom you believe in
or potentiality
life isn't about who is winning
and who lost his sanity

so what is life if it's not all of the above?
Can someone define it? did someone said love?
or maybe a happy life can be measured in monetary values?
damn the money! what's the point of it, if you lost your sinews

Life is goals, dreams and emotions
life could be devotion to something
or you could be lost in everything!

fidoarrows
11/10/10